Well I am back after a rather long absence. So much has gone on in the recent past that it would be easy to launch into a rant against perma-tanned Peter Hain or McBean, the McCavity cat of politics or even for the Londoners cheeky chappie Ken. So I thought that I would kick off with something quite light hearted.

When I heard that Tony Blair had got a job with U.S. investment bank  J. P. Morgan it got me wondering about Tony’s first day and all those trials that you go through when starting a new job.

Firstly has he had to sign a Contract of Employment along the lines of, ‘Office Hours are 9:00am to 5:30pm with one hour for lunch. Or ‘misuse of the computer by accessing unsuitable web sites will be deemed a dismissible offence’ .

You can also imagine the first morning. Question one, ‘Have you brought your P45 from your previous employment?’. This will be followed by ‘This is your desk, you will need to fill our a stationery order to get a stapler etc’ and ‘You have been allocated locker number 624 to hang your coat in’

He will then be dragged, grinning, around the office to be introduced to everyone. ‘This is Joan, the Receptionist’ and ‘Watch Kevin here, he’s the office practical joker’. It will be just like a scene from The Office.

Finally, at the end of the first morning, he will join the queue in the canteen with his tray and wait patiently for special of the day ‘Gammon Steak with a ring of Pineapple and a portion of chips’ While waiting he will have to suffer the indignity of the Dinner Ladies comments ‘Aren’t you that bloke off the tele with the funny missus’

One can but dream