Bridget Jones, in my opinion, had it a lot easier in her 20's, just wait till you get in your 40's, boy is it an eye opener. I thought, silly really, that men were more sensible and caring as they got older, Ha, that'll teach me for being so niave. I joined a dating site, well about 10 really a girls got to cover the bases, and to be honest i've had a lot of intrest, however, i've come to the conclusion, that when men discover that I've been on my own for 8 yrs,  i must be sexually frustrated and they're more than willing to help resolve this affliction. I must be some sad old bird whos frustrated and in need of sex, or so they think. Its true men think with their trousers.

The conversation starts of well enough,eg, how are you? are you single? all inocent enough then pow, do i wear stockings? when was the last time i had sex? What happened here? Now dont get me wrong i can flirt along with the best of them, but i'm a little more subtle and a l ...

Out of the mouths of babes and innocents

As you stood there this morning filling your 50 litre petrol tank you will be pleased to learn that as from now 2.5% of the petrol is biofuel. This has all been the result of the EUSSR biofuel directive.

So yippee, we are now all doing our bit to save the planet. But hold on a minute, this is not so yippee for a child in Africa who’s parents are living on a $1 a day. Why? Because biofuel is made out of wheat and the amount of that cereal needed to create 2.5% of a 50 litre tank full will feed that child for about two weeks. So this is an obscene waste of resources. And even if the wheat were available to buy, given a recent price rise of 130% because it’s needed for biofuel, that $1 doesn’t go very far.

Wait until 2010 when the biofuel ratio is 5% and that two weeks will become four weeks. So when that child goes to bed hungry tonight shouldn’t we be giving ...

New Olympic Event 2008

The International Olympic Committee are pleased to announce today a brand new event to honour the Games being held in China

The event will be known as ‘Grab the Torch’. It’s a simple game that can be played by anyone with very little training or practice, so is truly inclusive.

Fifteen, blue track suited, Chinese Security ‘Goons’ form a circle around a gullible, publicity seeking Z list celebrity holding a flaming Torch. Lots of scope here as there are thousands of Z list wannabe celebs and millions of Goons.

The object of the game is to grab the ‘Torch of Harmony’ from the celeb. This is done around a one kilometre track. Rules are even more simple, there are no rules. Pushing, shouting, wrestling to the ground are all part of the fun.

For a few examples of the game search YouTube for footage of a warm up event i ...

April Fool

An many people do, I was up early this morning scouring the newspapers for the April Fool jokes.

And yes I very quickly found the flying penguins and Alistair Darling trying his luck with a scratch card.

Problem was that with the state of Britain as it is I just could not STOP finding jokes. So here are a few that are worthy of the epithet ‘April Fool!’

First up is Harriet Harman (or Harperson, Harpic or Harridan, take your pick). Yesterday she did a walk about in her own constituency in Peckham to proclaim the fall in crime and extra funding for the police. However, even though she was surrounded by policemen, she wore a stab proof vest.

Second up for joke of the year is that it is now illegal to chat up a barmaid. Yes, and not only that but the landlord can be fined for allowing it. Ask any competent barmaid or flight attend ...

I read a number of political blogs. The most notable being the one written by Guido Fawkes, www.order-order.com By the way if you are easily upset by very strong language and tasteless jokes do not visit this site.

In the main left wing blogs struggle to get many comments or visitors whereas the libertarian and right wing blogs positively blossom.

The main reason for this is the humour, posters don’t take themselves very seriously and lampoon politicians on all sides relentlessly. This makes for some extremely entertaining reading.

Compare this to the left wing blogs where posters churn out the equivalent of this month’s tractor production statistics to justify their beloved leaders’ actions. It’s neither interesting nor funny and reads like a 1960s edition of the Soviet newspaper Pravda.

I read with some amusement the advice to Nicolas Sarkozy to ditch the Bling when he meets the Queen. Out go the Rolex and Raybans in favour of a more restrained look as he attends a State Banquet at Windsor Castle.

I visited the State Apartments at Windsor Castle last week and in my opinion Sarkozy may end up wondering why he bothered to dump the relatively restrained icons of the rich and famous.

The Winds ...

Look at the 2 pictures of the vineyard. In the first picture, posted only 3 weeks ago, and you can just about see the vines over the guards, and in the latest quite a few are up to the first wire which is 1m above ground, a growth of around 0.6m

This summer, the vines will continue to grow and will soon be big enough to be trained along the lower wire. At the moment we are growing a single leader to establish the vine, all the vines have had secondary shoots nipped, or removed, so the plants energy can go into this first cane. By the end of the summer (end April) the first cane hopefully will be about the size of a pencil, and the tip will be pruned to the required length (1m) ready to produce the first grapes next summer.

I ...

Another light hearted piece, I will get into the more serious stuff next week

I am getting increasingly alarmed at what people choose as the names for their children and will give you a few examples and suggest some of the ways things may be trending

I was at an event recently and two of the children were named India and China respectively. Is this a new trend I wonder, naming children after countries, and if it is how will it develop, will we see a two year old toddling around in nappies called Democratic Republic of the Congo and when a child gets to school how will United Arab Emirates or Bosnia and Herzegovina get shortened. I guess with names like this they should at least try and sit for GCSE in Geography.

Another fashion is naming children after the seasons like Spring and Autumn so do these kids change their name every three months? This is presumably a continuation of the trend to name chi ...

Well I am back after a rather long absence. So much has gone on in the recent past that it would be easy to launch into a rant against perma-tanned Peter Hain or McBean, the McCavity cat of politics or even for the Londoners cheeky chappie Ken. So I thought that I would kick off with something quite light hearted.

When I heard that Tony Blair had got a job with U.S. investment bank  J. P. Morgan it got me wondering about Tony’s first day and all those trials that you go through when starting a new job.

Firstly has he had to sign a Contract of Employment along the lines of, ‘Office Hours are 9:00am to 5:30pm with one hour for lunch. Or ‘misuse of the computer by accessing unsuitable web sites will be deemed a dismissible offence’ .

You can also imagine the first morning. Question one, ‘Have you brought your P45 from your previous employment?’. This will be followed by ‘This is your desk, y ...

The spray guards are to protect the young plants from the effects of any weed spray, and also to stop the plants from being pulled from the ground by birds.

We have lots of Pukeko birds here, they are the same as birds found in Southern Europe called Purple Gallinules, and they will pull out new plantings if they are not guarded.

We needed to get the trees trimmed along the side of the vines, to let more sun onto the vines on that side, and so hired a local hedge trimmer. This is not a man with a hand-held Black & Deck ...

They are stored chilled at the supplier and so are dormant up to the point they are dispatched.

The vines must be planted soon after arrival, and we are almost finished now, but it is raining hard this morning, so at least the vines we planted yesterday have had a good extra watering.

It took us around 4 hours to make all the holes, not bad really. Once the holes were done, the lower wires were attached to the posts ready for the vines which need a bamboo to support them while they are small. The vines should arrive today, more pictures soon.