With this freezing weather, I am finding it really difficult to get my head around arranging a summer wedding. Strapless gowns and summer outfits seem a world away from the wellie boots, thick coats and scarves we are wrapped in at the moment. Have to hand it to the chief bridesmaid – she is proving to be an absolute star. Not only has she boundless enthusiasm for the wedding plans and is immersed in the very complex task of organising the hen weekend but she responded with her usual positive attitude when we suggested a first stab at shopping for bridesmaids dresses last weekend.

I am quite fascinated by the way that proposals seem to have changed over the years. I don’t know whether my engagement was typical but the ring wasn’t a really big deal. It was what we could afford at the time. 

A good response to my blog with lots of emails about who should pay. Quite a few of you tell me that the couple have paid a fair whack themselves and that they do much of the deciding and organising themselves.  I have also had lots of mails saying that spending huge amounts of money on one day is ridiculous and that they intend or have given the newlyweds money towards a property rather than spending it on the wedding.  I am inclined to agree with that. 

The vines are forming nicely into what is required for the future. The vines will, at the end of the season and after all the leaves have dropped, be cut back to leave junst the trunk and a fruiting branch each side attached to the lower wire. The grapes will be cut off soon to allow the vines to put all their energy into the plant.

Next year the grapes will form on the lower branches, and the new leaf shoots will train upwards between the wires to provide the evaporation and nutrient canopy for the vine.

Bridget Jones, in my opinion, had it a lot easier in her 20's, just wait till you get in your 40's, boy is it an eye opener. I thought, silly really, that men were more sensible and caring as they got older, Ha, that'll teach me for being so niave. I joined a dating site, well about 10 really a girls got to cover the bases, and to be honest i've had a lot of intrest, however, i've come to the conclusion, that when men discover that I've been on my own for 8 yrs,  i must be sexually frustrated and they're more than willing to help resolve this affliction. I must be some sad old bird whos frustrated and in need of sex, or so they think. Its true men think with their trousers.

The conversation starts of well enough,eg, how are you? are you single? all inocent enough then pow, do i wear stockings? when was the last time i had sex? What happened here? Now dont get me wrong i can flirt along with the best of them, but i'm a little more subtle and a l ...

Out of the mouths of babes and innocents

As you stood there this morning filling your 50 litre petrol tank you will be pleased to learn that as from now 2.5% of the petrol is biofuel. This has all been the result of the EUSSR biofuel directive.

So yippee, we are now all doing our bit to save the planet. But hold on a minute, this is not so yippee for a child in Africa who’s parents are living on a $1 a day. Why? Because biofuel is made out of wheat and the amount of that cereal needed to create 2.5% of a 50 litre tank full will feed that child for about two weeks. So this is an obscene waste of resources. And even if the wheat were available to buy, given a recent price rise of 130% because it’s needed for biofuel, that $1 doesn’t go very far.

Wait until 2010 when the biofuel ratio is 5% and that two weeks will become four weeks. So when that child goes to bed hungry tonight shouldn’t we be giving ...

New Olympic Event 2008

The International Olympic Committee are pleased to announce today a brand new event to honour the Games being held in China

The event will be known as ‘Grab the Torch’. It’s a simple game that can be played by anyone with very little training or practice, so is truly inclusive.

Fifteen, blue track suited, Chinese Security ‘Goons’ form a circle around a gullible, publicity seeking Z list celebrity holding a flaming Torch. Lots of scope here as there are thousands of Z list wannabe celebs and millions of Goons.

The object of the game is to grab the ‘Torch of Harmony’ from the celeb. This is done around a one kilometre track. Rules are even more simple, there are no rules. Pushing, shouting, wrestling to the ground are all part of the fun.

For a few examples of the game search YouTube for footage of a warm up event i ...

April Fool

An many people do, I was up early this morning scouring the newspapers for the April Fool jokes.

And yes I very quickly found the flying penguins and Alistair Darling trying his luck with a scratch card.

Problem was that with the state of Britain as it is I just could not STOP finding jokes. So here are a few that are worthy of the epithet ‘April Fool!’

First up is Harriet Harman (or Harperson, Harpic or Harridan, take your pick). Yesterday she did a walk about in her own constituency in Peckham to proclaim the fall in crime and extra funding for the police. However, even though she was surrounded by policemen, she wore a stab proof vest.

Second up for joke of the year is that it is now illegal to chat up a barmaid. Yes, and not only that but the landlord can be fined for allowing it. Ask any competent barmaid or flight attend ...

I read a number of political blogs. The most notable being the one written by Guido Fawkes, www.order-order.com By the way if you are easily upset by very strong language and tasteless jokes do not visit this site.

In the main left wing blogs struggle to get many comments or visitors whereas the libertarian and right wing blogs positively blossom.

The main reason for this is the humour, posters don’t take themselves very seriously and lampoon politicians on all sides relentlessly. This makes for some extremely entertaining reading.

Compare this to the left wing blogs where posters churn out the equivalent of this month’s tractor production statistics to justify their beloved leaders’ actions. It’s neither interesting nor funny and reads like a 1960s edition of the Soviet newspaper Pravda.

I read with some amusement the advice to Nicolas Sarkozy to ditch the Bling when he meets the Queen. Out go the Rolex and Raybans in favour of a more restrained look as he attends a State Banquet at Windsor Castle.

I visited the State Apartments at Windsor Castle last week and in my opinion Sarkozy may end up wondering why he bothered to dump the relatively restrained icons of the rich and famous.

The Winds ...

This summer, the vines will continue to grow and will soon be big enough to be trained along the lower wire. At the moment we are growing a single leader to establish the vine, all the vines have had secondary shoots nipped, or removed, so the plants energy can go into this first cane. By the end of the summer (end April) the first cane hopefully will be about the size of a pencil, and the tip will be pruned to the required length (1m) ready to produce the first grapes next summer.

I ...

Look at the 2 pictures of the vineyard. In the first picture, posted only 3 weeks ago, and you can just about see the vines over the guards, and in the latest quite a few are up to the first wire which is 1m above ground, a growth of around 0.6m

Another light hearted piece, I will get into the more serious stuff next week

I am getting increasingly alarmed at what people choose as the names for their children and will give you a few examples and suggest some of the ways things may be trending

I was at an event recently and two of the children were named India and China respectively. Is this a new trend I wonder, naming children after countries, and if it is how will it develop, will we see a two year old toddling around in nappies called Democratic Republic of the Congo and when a child gets to school how will United Arab Emirates or Bosnia and Herzegovina get shortened. I guess with names like this they should at least try and sit for GCSE in Geography.

Another fashion is naming children after the seasons like Spring and Autumn so do these kids change their name every three months? This is presumably a continuation of the trend to name chi ...